Getting Married? 3 Things You Must Grow Into Before Saying “I Do”
The inspiration to write this column came from me having to give counsel recently to two different individuals [in the space of two weeks apart] who were betrayed by their fiance’ through adultery and infidelity and who had to endure intense emotional pain, heartbreak and suffering. The unfaithful persons on the other hand experienced guilt and shame.
Yet still, words cannot sufficiently describe the emotional trauma and the damage that was done to the persons whom the act was committed against. I witnessed first-hand the intense pain, their uncontrollable sobs to the point at which one said, “My chest is hurting me so bad, I feel like I want to die.”
Have you ever been there? Was that your reaction? Serious words I would say and words that pierced my heart and spirit as well.
I was at that place before. I know too well what it feels like to be betrayed like that. My friends experience brought back painful memories for me and I found myself reliving my past as I was helping them get through that difficult time in their life.
My heart felt heavy. I cried as I felt the immense sadness. I recall getting into my car and driving it so fast just looking for that ‘perfect’ spot where I could ditch the car with the hope that I would die in the accident.
Adultery is a sin that causes a huge amount of destruction in families. Everything goes into turmoil. If there are children involved, they too are left traumatized, confused and in many instances, they lose stability.
It is a dangerous trap for anyone to be in and once the damage is done to the marriage or relationship, and the only way that complete restoration can take place is if the betrayer repents in full, not just for the adultery, but for all of the other accompanying sins.
These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief. A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren. ~ Proverbs 6:16-19
More Sins That Accompany Adultery
Adultery includes five of the seven things that God hates according to this text from the book of Proverbs.
- Coveting – wanting another man’s wife/girlfriend or wanting another woman’s husband/boyfriend
- Deceit – distorting truth with the intent of misleading others
- Pride – a high opinion of one’s own importance or superiority.
- Lying tongue – one must constantly lie about his/her whereabouts
- A heart that devise wicked imaginations – plan secret meetings, places to meet and going to those meetings
- Feet that are swift in running mischief
- A false witness that speaks lies – falsifying information and even denying the affair
- Sowing the seed of discord among people – strife, anger, discord and division among every person affected.
3 Things to Grow Into Before You Say “I Do”
With all that can be said or done, it hardly seems fair that the one who was betrayed must now have the burden of responsibility to extend forgiveness and love to the one who clearly broke the trust in the marriage relationship. However, according to God’s word, it is the right thing to do.
Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:32 NLT) Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God. (Ephesians 5:2 NLT)
Forgiveness is not for the unfaithful person, but is for our benefit so that we too can be forgiven of our sins. That has given clarity and guidance to what is right and would be pleasing to God when there is infidelity or adultery in relationships.
Read more posts from EMB’s Relationship Enrichment & Marriage Rescue Series
The question however still lingers, what must one grow into before saying “I do.?”
First, you must grow in love and love your boy/girlfriend/ or spouse according to the bible.
Based on Ephesians 5:25, husbands have a responsibility to love your spouse as Christ love the church and gave himself up for her.
To the woman, “submit yourselves [in love and respect] unto your own husbands as it is fit in the Lord.” (Colossians 3:18; Ephesians 5:22)
Nevertheless let everyone of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife [see] that she reverences [her] husband. ~ Ephesians 5:33
Too many persons today are marrying for reasons other than love so that when trouble comes there is no foundation on which to stand on. Growing in love allows you to look beyond the other person’s weaknesses, their faults and see them through the eyes of Christ and see their need for forgiveness. The bible says love covers a multitude of sins.
Growing in love, it means to allow yourself time to know God’s true love, to fall in love with Him and yourself before you can genuinely claim to have that unconditional love for someone else. You can only love another to the same level or extent to which you love yourself.
Secondly, you must grow into a life of prayer offering up prayers unto God without ceasing.
You must submit yourself to prayer and let it become a part of your lifestyle. Prayer invites the presence of God into your life and to have His Holy Spirit dwell among you to guide, teach and instruct you and your spouse.
Everything must be surrendered to God through prayer. Prayer is a covering and it protects you from outside interference into your marriage relationship. Prayer brings the presence of angels to build a strong hedge of protection and to encamp round about you while they keep away all appearances of evil and remove any enticement to it.
Thirdly, grow into a life of gratitude, giving thanks always unto God the Father.
Proverbs 18:22 says, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord.” Therefore, be thankful for your wife. Imagine how lonely you would have been without God granting that favor to you. Women, life would not have been the same for us if we did not have our spouse, so you too must give thanks and treat him with love and respect.
It was not good for Adam to be alone, so God blessed him with Eve. So to us all I say, you do have a lifetime companion, a friend and a lover to enjoy every day, count it all joy, count it a blessing from God for which you must give thanks.
Love, pray and cherish her/him for the rest of your days!
OVER TO YOU..
Share your thoughts, add your voice and help to encourage someone else today! God bless you!
I know that God can mend those young people broken hearts and restore their trust. Many people are marring for so many different reasons and it is full time that they know the truth from the word of God about marriage.
I totally agree Beverley. That is not to say mistakes will not be made along the way, however, getting to know truth and abiding by it is very important, especially in these last days. There is no short cut to it. Blessings! 🙂
Minister Wilson….a deep sense of commitment is very important. Relationships, especially marriage is a covenant made before God, therefore keeping this covenant is important. In marriage or any other relationship the two persons must have a boundary line which should not be crossed. Outside forces ( a third person) should not be allowed to cross this boundary. Too often relationships are destroyed because there is no boundary line and anyone is allowed to pass this mark thus causing confusion.
A very valid point Pastor Ava and such a valuable contribution to this discussion. Commitment to each other and the relationship for the long haul, through rain and sunshine, the thick and the thin! It cannot ever be about what’s in it for me.
God is honored when two people honor and respect each other. I agree boundaries are necessary and all this should form part of the pre-marital discussion as well. How far can his/her friend go as far as their relationship is concerned? That is what must be established, respected and adhered to.
Blessings and have a great day! 🙂 .