5 Ways You Can Overcome Loneliness
Years ago, a young lady by the name of Corrie Ten Boom was engaged to be married to a guy who suddenly broke off the engagement and married her best friend instead.
She came home crushed, lonely and isolated. She then asked her father, “What do I do with a blocked love?” He said, “Whenever you have a blocked love, re-channel it.”
Your story may not be exactly like that of Corrie, but I am sure that you may have experienced the feelings of loneliness, isolation and a broken heart as a result of a relationship that just did not go the way you had expected it to go.
Needless to say, experiences such as this have the tendency to cause many to become withdrawn and self-centered to the point of being totally wrapped up in himself or herself. And before we know it, we build up a wall.
We subconciously caution ourselves not to love or trust anyone ever again. We clamp down and we are afraid to venture out into a new relationship, simply because we feel we might be rejected, and we do not want to go through the pain in life again.
I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” – Matthew 28:20b NIV
Where Is God In Your State Of Loneliness?
I recall how thick and tall the wall was that my subconscious being had built around me for so many years.
It got so bad that I despised hearing the words “I love you.” I refused to include the phrase anymore into my vocabulary, and did not want anyone who would express it be in close proximity to me that I could hear the word love being mentioned.
What happened in the meantime, I was pushed deeper and deeper into a state of loneliness – too afraid to open up to others and share how I really felt and just too afraid to be vulnerable.
There were times I questioned love itself, not realising that the fear of love came about as a result of loneliness and my doubt in God’s word that He will never leave me nor forsake me.
I questioned where He was in my loneliness. I felt so rejected. I felt like an outcast so many times and didn’t think I was good enough for anyone to even look at ever again.
“What was wrong with me? Was I not pretty enough? Was I too fat? Was I too skinny?” These were just a few of the questions I used to ask myself.
I was paralysed by fear that my actions began to reflect my thoughts and did everything that opposed faith. I was an emotional wreck and I became my worst enemy.
I would later come to the realisation that God was never far from me and He’s right where He has always been even if I didn’t feel Him.
He is love and His love would not let me go. I eventually surrendered my life and my loneliness and before I knew it, one day the walls came tumbling down.
Love is the only thing that will save us, independent of any mistakes we may make. Love is always stronger. : – Paulo Coelho
How To Overcome Loneliness
Loneliness is not always as a result of a broken marriage, or some other broken relationship. There are other reasons that triggers loneliness which we would not discuss in this post.
But whether you are a non-believer or one who has a relationship with Christ, the key to overcoming loneliness is (1) do not build up walls between you and others, but re-focus and re-channel your love to the people in the world who genuinely need love.
Begin to help others who are in need. Start from the ground up and build friendship, and build bridges of hope that will get you into a future of happiness and lasting love. Step out in faith and be open to taking risk.
It’s not always about you so (2) stop focusing on yourself and begin to pay more attention to the needs of others. When you do that, the feeling of loneliness will dissipate.
(3) Realise that loneliness is a feeling when you are transitioning, it is not a fact and neither is it cast in stone.
During times of loneliness, is okay to feel like an outcast yes, but reach out to others and remember God’s promise that He is right there with you and uou can cling to Him 24-7 in times of fear and loneliness.
(4) Keep track of your self deflating and self defeating thoughts and come up with a strategy of how to get rid of your emotional and mental habits of loneliness.
Find people who you can have healthy interactions with that will reduce the amount of time you spend by yourself sulking and moping.
(5) Don’t expect validation or applause from others. This was an area in which it took me a while to realise that I could not and should not depend on others to give me the pat on the shoulder.
Sure it is good to be curious, to reach out and make friends with others, but don’t always expect applause, validation and the same level of attention equal to or greater than what you give to them.
Nothing happens overnight, and some things just take a little longer than others. In any case, nurture and nourish the friendships that you build.
What is your natural and first reaction to loneliness? How have you experienced God in your times of loneliness? What are some other ways you believe loneliness can be dealt with?
Please share your thoughts and share this post. It can save a life.
Whenever I’m hit with feelings of loneliness, I contact a friend or family member and talk with them. I make plans for meeting up with people too. I’m a writer so it’s pretty easy for me to get wrapped up in my projects and neglect my social life. It helps to put things in perspective and realize that life is mostly about relationships and what I put into them. Thanks for an awesome post!
So good to see you again. 🙂 That’s a very good strategy that you use and no doubt one that clearly works well for you.
The chatter and laughter from friends and family is more than enough to take ones mind away from and feeling of loneliness.
As writers, we do have an outlet as well through our writing in expressing things that are going on at the moment. I agree with you that relationships are important and the investment made in them will be most rewarding.
Thanks for your support and participation. Cheers! 🙂
Its a great blog post indeed 🙂
Loneliness can kill us when we feel alone. Some times we feel alone even so many people around us. But thanks for sharing great ways to overcome loneliness.
It’s so good to see you once again Dr. Diana. Thank you for the review as well as your comment. You brought up a great point in that ‘we feel alone even [when] so many people around us.’
And although one may not do this, it is a good time to reach out to one of those persons and let that individual know just how you feel on the inside. Bottling up the feelings more just make it worse in the end.
Hope you had a great Easter and may you have a blessed day/week. 🙂
Hi Yvonne I. Wilson,
There are lots of situations when we feel we are alone, there is nobody from whom we can share our feelings and come out from our fears and loneliness. One word is work for me in such situations, God is always with me then why I need to worry about wrong things, he will take care. It is my first visit but I enjoyed reading very much.
Welcome to my blog and I am pleased to hear that you enjoyed what you read.
I believe there are different levels or stages of loneliness. Engaging in work like you mentioned you do, it has worked for me like I am sure that it has for many others. But then there have been occasions when work just did not help.
Then it is we must understand God is near and He is our help even in times of trouble or loneliness.
I value your contribution and hope you check back for more posts. Have a blessed day. 🙂
Amen, absolutely! God’s word is very powerful indeed. It heal the broken hearted, and set the captive free. Prayer of all things will definitely help us to press into God’s presence.
Thanks for that stimulating comment. 🙂
Meditating on God’s Word will always help remedy the feeling of loneliness; Just to know that God is with you and you can even tell him about and He’s God enough to be there so you can overcome it. Press into God’s Presence for there’s nothing like it.
As always it’s a pleasure seeing you. Glad you liked the post and I certainly appreciate the review and feedback.
Since my business travel to the USA last week I took a few days off from work, kind of short vacation, and will be returning to work on March 11th. So you are right I do have a few days that I can dedicate to writing and commenting on other blogs. I miss the interaction and will definitely have to make some sacrifice going forward to get back into the swing of things.
I enjoy the writing especially when I can draw from my own experiences. It’s a great way to connect with the readers. Someone once said that the best person to advise you on how to overcome a problem or situation is the person who experienced it themselves.
So for sure your college experience was a short period of loneliness. Being away from home leaving family and friends, you were in a period of transition and it took some adjustments and getting used to on your part. Now you can share with others what you did to get out of that lonely phase. So thanks for sharing that with us.
Have a great day and rest of the week. 🙂
That was a wonderful post, and good to see you back into action 🙂
I know you remain busy, but one can make out when you get a little time, as you come up with such nice write-ups like this one.
I loved reading through, especially your own experiences about loneliness, and how you built a wall around yourself. Yes, sometimes you are too heart broken, and perhaps it’s the relationship issues, broken marriages, and many other reasons that could lead us to such a state. I agree, most people must’ve gone through either of these situations.
Yes, turning to God is the best option, as you feel you are no longer alone, and you have an aim in mind. You turn your love towards him, isn’t it? I haven’t really gone through such a phase, except when I was in college, and perhaps my first few days when I was totally new, but that was the case on the first day of my job as well – you can feel pretty lonely! Saying a little prayer always helped me, and it still does.
Thanks for sharing this with us. Have a nice week ahead 🙂
This is beautiful. Loneliness is an awful feeling but it can be overcome. Great post!
Hi welcome to my blog. Definitely loneliness is an awful feeling and having been there myself, I quickly empathise with the ones who are experiencing it now and pray that they overcome it sooner rather than later.
Glad you took the time to not only visit and comment but that you enjoyed the post.
Looking forward to seeing you here again. Have a great week. Cheers! 🙂