Years ago, a young lady by the name of Corrie Ten Boom was engaged to be married to a guy who suddenly broke off the engagement and married her best friend instead.
She came home crushed, lonely and isolated. She then asked her father, “What do I do with a blocked love?” He said, “Whenever you have a blocked love, re-channel it.”
Your story may not be exactly like that of Corrie, but I am sure that you may have experienced the feelings of loneliness, isolation and a broken heart as a result of a relationship that just did not go the way you had expected it to go.
Needless to say, experiences such as this have the tendency to cause many to become withdrawn and self-centered to the point of being totally wrapped up in himself or herself. And before we know it, we build up a wall.
We subconciously caution ourselves not to love or trust anyone ever again. We clamp down and we are afraid to venture out into a new relationship, simply because we feel we might be rejected, and we do not want to go through the pain in life again.
I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” – Matthew 28:20b NIV
Where Is God In Your State Of Loneliness?
I recall how thick and tall the wall was that my subconscious being had built around me for so many years.
It got so bad that I despised hearing the words “I love you.” I refused to include the phrase anymore into my vocabulary, and did not want anyone who would express it be in close proximity to me that I could hear the word love being mentioned.
What happened in the meantime, I was pushed deeper and deeper into a state of loneliness – too afraid to open up to others and share how I really felt and just too afraid to be vulnerable.
There were times I questioned love itself, not realising that the fear of love came about as a result of loneliness and my doubt in God’s word that He will never leave me nor forsake me.
I questioned where He was in my loneliness. I felt so rejected. I felt like an outcast so many times and didn’t think I was good enough for anyone to even look at ever again.
“What was wrong with me? Was I not pretty enough? Was I too fat? Was I too skinny?” These were just a few of the questions I used to ask myself.
I was paralysed by fear that my actions began to reflect my thoughts and did everything that opposed faith. I was an emotional wreck and I became my worst enemy.
I would later come to the realisation that God was never far from me and He’s right where He has always been even if I didn’t feel Him.
He is love and His love would not let me go. I eventually surrendered my life and my loneliness and before I knew it, one day the walls came tumbling down.
Love is the only thing that will save us, independent of any mistakes we may make. Love is always stronger. : – Paulo Coelho
How To Overcome Loneliness
Loneliness is not always as a result of a broken marriage, or some other broken relationship. There are other reasons that triggers loneliness which we would not discuss in this post.
But whether you are a non-believer or one who has a relationship with Christ, the key to overcoming loneliness is (1) do not build up walls between you and others, but re-focus and re-channel your love to the people in the world who genuinely need love.
Begin to help others who are in need. Start from the ground up and build friendship, and build bridges of hope that will get you into a future of happiness and lasting love. Step out in faith and be open to taking risk.
It’s not always about you so (2) stop focusing on yourself and begin to pay more attention to the needs of others. When you do that, the feeling of loneliness will dissipate.
(3) Realise that loneliness is a feeling when you are transitioning, it is not a fact and neither is it cast in stone.
During times of loneliness, is okay to feel like an outcast yes, but reach out to others and remember God’s promise that He is right there with you and uou can cling to Him 24-7 in times of fear and loneliness.
(4) Keep track of your self deflating and self defeating thoughts and come up with a strategy of how to get rid of your emotional and mental habits of loneliness.
Find people who you can have healthy interactions with that will reduce the amount of time you spend by yourself sulking and moping.
(5) Don’t expect validation or applause from others. This was an area in which it took me a while to realise that I could not and should not depend on others to give me the pat on the shoulder.
Sure it is good to be curious, to reach out and make friends with others, but don’t always expect applause, validation and the same level of attention equal to or greater than what you give to them.
Nothing happens overnight, and some things just take a little longer than others. In any case, nurture and nourish the friendships that you build.
What is your natural and first reaction to loneliness? How have you experienced God in your times of loneliness? What are some other ways you believe loneliness can be dealt with?
Please share your thoughts and share this post. It can save a life.