9 Strategies To Keep Your Sanity When Your Life Is Falling Apart
Whatever we do on a daily basis, one key goal I believe you and I are certain to work towards is to focus on staying in control and keeping the right perspective on things.
Whether it’s in our personal or professional lives, we make the plans ahead, and we have a pretty good idea of how we foresee the day ahead of us would go.
Most days, everything go according to plan, right? But then there are those unpredictable occasions where the whole world around you just seems to be falling apart and you are losing control of yourself.
You are losing the ground beneath you, it’s a free fall. Nothing around you to hold on to and everything is breaking down around you.
Not only that, you are lacking perspective. Already at a chaotic stage by then, you realize hey, something went terribly wrong.
Fear and anxiety tries to trick you into letting them take over and you are no more in a position to think rationally. You get angry and say all of the wrong things and you wonder where exactly did things begin to go out of order.
Why did you not see the red flags before? Were there warning signs that you missed? Were you ignoring the feelings of being unsure or insecure in your relationship?
The tendency then with all of that is for you to feel like a failure.
Life just crept in. It has disrupted your comfort zone. You are no longer flowing.
Dr. Judith Rich in an article for the Huffington Post (2012) had this to say, “Just when you thought your life was going along fine – BAM! Life comes along and says, “Not so fast, my pretty! Listen up! You have some homework to do.” ”
Inferences can also be drawn from Nancy Levin’s story of how life can fall apart with you in the middle of it. In her book Jump (2014) she describes finally leaving her marriage that had become dissatisfying. She says, “It’s only through facing the truth that you will be able to fulfill your potential and live the life you were meant to live. It’s only by jumping that you’ll be able to fly.”
The Start of Something Bigger
Oh no, not again! Hello! Were you trying to force the outcome of something that wasn’t working?
You see, I have been through this before. It is how life gets your attention! It’s her wake up call!
Previously, when things like that happened, I would beat up on myself. I would immediately go into a shell and stay in that cocoon stage for days until I felt it was safe to venture outside of my world into life’s open space again.
Outside my shell, I am like a brave soldier. But once I am inside of myself, I internalized everything. I used to think that I was the one to be blamed and that it was my fault that things went wrong.
In my relationships – with my husband, with my children and family members and even at my workplace.
It took me an awfully long to understand that I needed to release the situation and give myself permission to not be ‘Miss perfect’ and to understand that everyone of us lose control and perspective at some point in time in our lives.
Now, what I am faced with, my thinking was that I had been fully healed and I would be calm and keep my composure throughout, no matter how bad it got. I never anticipated my reaction to the situation. The entire thing took me off guard.
I found myself in a weakened position, losing control of what I normally would have been my best at. After all, I have given what I consider to be my best advice to others on things like this in the past.
They survived the storm!
But needless to say, the conflicting matter left me feeling insecure and vulnerable and then I began to hear my own voice speaking. It got louder and louder.
There I was feeling pressed, troubled, crushed in my spirit, perplexed and in despair and even brokenhearted. It was as though my life had just fallen apart.
Could I still trust the Apostle Paul’s writing that says, “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; v9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down; but not destroyed.” ~ 2 Corinthians 4:8-9
Honestly? Not crushed, not in despair, not abandoned, and not destroyed?
In the middle of my meltdown, I was not thinking rationally and did not think the word had any meaning to what I was experiencing.
I wanted to escape into my ‘own world’ again and be safe in my little sanctuary. It is there that I’ve had my greatest comfort in life – defending my innocence and sheltering my heart.
The somehow invisible wall never seems to escape the eyes of the onlooker or the perpetrator and, they know not to attempt to cross over into my space.
So they look on from a distance wondering I guess what my next move would be……
The Twist of Faith That Saved Me
“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:11 NIV
On that day, I got up from my knees after praying and I sat on the edge of the bed. This time the voice I heard was not the voice of reasoning and fear but the voice of wisdom.
I’ve had time to think the situation through again. But first, I had to let the tears fall after which I dried them. My shoulders were no longer slumped, but straight. Faith, boldness, confidence and hope stirred in me and my strength was sufficient that I could face life again.
What do you do?
9 STRATEGIES FOR WHEN YOUR LIFE IS FALLING APART
Today, if you too feel like your life is falling apart and you are losing control, here are 9 strategies that I have found to be very effective and that I am certain will help you not to lose your sanity:
1.) Quickly let go of complaining – what value can anyone of us add to our life by complaining? As long as you are on this earth life will throw a hoola-hoop around us. It will always bring to us challenges, tests and trials that we can either choose to be negative and complain about or remain positive, face life and work our way through it.
Complaining does not make the process of recovery any smoother. Rather, it delays it and can even make an already bad situation worse off.
2.) Give yourself time out – stop whatever you are doing to re-group – you need to take some time to step back and withdraw from the situation. This step raises the STOP sign from having anything else come your way and put the brakes on things until you get your thoughts and your creative power back to a place of making wise and informative decisions and choices.
3.) Quickly take responsibility for only that which you have direct control over – Realize that life falls apart because something went off track or out of alignment. Of course all the chaos and stress that comes with falling apart puts a shock on the system and the first natural human response is to become emotional.
But resistance comes when we fail to take responsibility for the things that we had direct control over, that is, our attitude, reaction, emotions and behavior. It is not so much what happened but the response to it.
“It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart.” ~ Suzanne Collins
4.) Give yourself time to make correction – breathe at a steady pace and begin to think about what core values and belief systems were affected, whether betrayed or forgotten. Because, let’s face it, we sometimes forget things that we ourselves have already established.
It is also not about who did what, but how, what, when and where? Ask yourself, where was the line crossed? What behavior/s needs to change in order to ensure that there is not a repeat of what went wrong?
What improvements can be made going forward? When is a good time to re-evaluate to see if the goals that were established are being met?
5.) Never make decisions when you are in an emotional state of mind – weigh your option before taking action. It is important that you spend as much time sorting through the problem/s and focusing on the solutions.
6) Forgive yourself and others without diminishing who you are – quickly resort to forgiveness. First, you forgive yourself for getting off track and then you forgive the other person/s involved without holding on to grudges. Remember none of us are perfect; we all have imperfections and weaknesses.
7.) Pray and surrender the situation to God, then move forward – nothing happens in the first instance unless He allows it. He is in total control of everything. We go THROUGH tests and trials. They were not meant for us to stay in them forever. And this too shall pass! 🙂
8.) Process and organize into your trusting system once again – you are now at the clean up stage where you not only clean yourself up but the other person/s involved. If this is the case where the emotional or physical impact was on someone else, then be man or woman enough to step up and say, “I’m sorry.”
9.) Throw yourself a party after your breakthrough – Why should you throw yourself a party? The fact that you had the courage to face your falling apart and meltdown moment has proven that you are a true champion! You held on to faith and through your willing spirit, you proved to the world that only those who endure their cross will wear the crown of life!
“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.” ~ Eckhart Tolle (1999)
Your Turn, Let’s Talk It Over
Have you ever been in a situation where you felt you were losing control and lacking perspective? What sort of emotions came out? How do you deal with your life falling apart as a result of what someone else did? Please share your thoughts with us.
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Thank you for your continued support! 🙂
featured image by: Jenny Kaczorowski
Pretty good stuff here Yvonne. I have to own up to not doing either #6, because I’m hard on myself, or #7, because I’m a non-believer. Actually, as I think about it I’m not sure I’ve ever done #9. Sometimes when I overcome things I’ll go get a massage, but it’s a solo thing so I’m not sure it qualifies as a party.
Strangely enough, sometimes regaining sanity can get started by something something relatively simplistic. I like either folding clothes (which I don’t do often; I’m ashamed…), cleaning up or… rolling change. That one I like a lot. It all helps take the mind off the bad stuff for a while and sometimes recharges it.
Anything someone can use to retool is a great thing!
Welcome to my blog! 🙂 I am delighted that you took the time to read my blog, and found the info valuable. I admire your courage to share your honest thoughts with us.
You’ll find too that here at EMB we are a very diverse community and having recognized that from the start, we bring information suited to the needs of everyone – so even if even if you are not yet practicing the strategies you mentioned, with time I am certain you will.
I was once at that place where I beat up on myself terribly, even presently if I am pushed really hard to the max, I will still slip back into my old ways. Lol! I/we are still a work in progress! 🙂
It took me a very long time to learn about forgiving myself – that’s because I thought forgiveness was just something you do for others when they do you wrong. But soon after my conversion, I learned about it and it became a part of my healing and recovery process.
I love the strategies that you use though. Hey getting a massage, that I would say is fantastic because it is therapeutic and it relaxes the mind and the body. Folding clothes and cleaning may seem to some like no big deal but it is a very good way to release and ease your mind.
Thank you so much for your participation and hope to see you again soon. Cheers! 🙂
Indeed your post is very inspiring. I affirm some of them because it’s true to me.
I am hoping to be able to follow all 9 strategies to improve my self.
More power. You keep inspiring many people. Have a nice day ahead.
Welcome to my blog! It is so great to see you here. I am glad you made a connection with the contents of the posts and that it has motivated to take action by following the strategies provided. It would be nice to hear about your results later on from you.
Blessings! Hope your week has been an enjoyable one thus far. Thanks for our support. 🙂
Yes I’ve been there a couple of times! I felt like I didn’t have a hold of anything in life up until I realize that the only thing, or should I say person I need to get a hold of is only myself.
I resonated with point #2. Whenever it gets to the point where I’m about to break, I just stop, feel my way through to inner piece. There’s that part of us that connect us to who I call source energy. It’s the peace and serenity that brings us back to who we originally are so we can press forward.
Once I get to this place I’m able to become stable and make the best decisions for myself not works for me and everyone else. It’s funny how that works but there’s something mysterious to it.
Thanks for sharing Yvonne! I hope you’re enjoying your weekend!
So good to see you and happy that you joined the discussion. Great that you found some value and made a connection with the post and even revealed the best way that you have dealt with your experience of ‘your life falling apart.’ Hardly think that one human being can escape that. But sure there are times we need to grab a hold of ourselves. 🙂
Yes point #2 I would think works well for the majority of persons. Even in normal everyday life we need to take some time out. It is that quiet time that we can escape into a place of bliss and tranquility and be able to connect with our inner man.
At the end of our time out session, we are amazed at how much more focused we are, the kind of thought power we have and the way in which we can breeze through with ease into the next season of our life.
Have a fantastic day and a very fruitful week ahead. Cheers! 🙂
Wonderful indeed, and nice to see you write such a lovely one, related to your life too 🙂
Yes, there are times when life seems to be falling apart and one just thinks this is the end! No matter how hard one tries, there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel…I can relate to that feeling, as I think all of us go through it some time during our lives.
Your strategies are so apt, and one can make out the challenges you’ve gone through that make you come out so much stronger than before. That’s just it…tough times never last, tough people do, and you are just one of them!
Giving yourself time and praying always help. I think I’d do just what you did…as you wrote so well in these lines – But first, I had to let the tears fall after which I dried them. My shoulders were no longer slumped, but straight. Faith, boldness, confidence and hope stirred in me and my strength was sufficient that I could face life again. – nothing works better than taking control of yourself, gathering yourself together and moving on…there is no other way.
Thanks for sharing this motivational post with us. Happy weekend 🙂
I am excited to see you once again and thanks for such a lovely comment. 🙂 I am glad that you enjoyed the post and have found the strategies to be helpful in applying on a personal level.
I’ve been fortunate, more like blessed to stand on the shoulders of men and women from around the world [through my blog] who continue to be a source of strength, encouragement, inspiration and even helping to keep me sane in blogosphere. You are certainly chief among this prestigious team.
Some of the things that I struggle with daily is to give up my blog and quit writing – I love what I do here online yes, just that I get discouraged at times. However, I know for certain that I am here for a purpose and the moment the thought of quitting comes up, I see you and recall the many times past that you have been there for me from day one. I APPRECIATE AND HONOR you for your strength, tenacity, boldness and confidence and for cheering us along – not just at aha-now.com and ABC but as you comment on various other blogs.
Continue the great work you are doing and thanks for the reminder ‘tough times never last, tough people do.’ The reason is that prayer works wonders and miracles all the time. It is a great way to get through any difficulty that we face.
Have a blessed weekend. Take care and get some rest. 🙂
What you had to go through and the wonderful way that you overcome your situation is so remarkable and thank God that you are sharing this excellent post with everyone
You are right that we will always be mixed up with the struggles of life but we have been empowered to react and overcome all situations. This doesn’t mean that one will not experience the temptation to fall apart or the pain plus anger but we can move forward.
I am currently trying to keep calm as it seems my world is falling apart so I was all smiles when I saw that I was not alone and I saw the solution to my issue.
Thanks for sharing. Have a wonderful weekend. Kudos to you. Thank God for using you to bless His children
Have fun and Take Care
Thanks for sharing your testimony with us. It is one that we can relate to. Also, there are some fundamental human responsibilities that we have individually and they are to bear one another’s burdens, pain, encourage, edify, uplift and to be our brother’s keeper. And of course one of the ways in which these things can be fulfilled is by sharing our own testimony and how we overcame, especially since the general tendency is to think that we in our corner are the only ones going through difficulties or is having struggles in life. We find out later on that we are not the only ones going through crisis or some sort of struggle.
I vowed when I began this blog to keep it real here and as far as possible to use my own experiences and life story to share with others and to bring hope and light to the darkness we tend to find ourselves in at times. So glad the mission was accomplished through this post and it has given you a better perspective and solutions to your current issue.
I pray for you the best outcome and don’t forget ‘all things work together for the good to them that love God and are the called according to His purpose. He called you for such a time as this, He equips you and by His word empowered you to fulfill your purpose and to press your way to a higher calling.
God bless you my friend. Cheers to a fantastic weekend! 🙂
You are a tough and wonderful soul, Yvonne. Thanks a lot for sharing your personal story. You came out of the dark phases by your confidence and determination
Currently, I am going through a critical phase in life. For me, this is a complete unexpected turn in my life. I am going through some ups and downs in life. Do you know, what is holding me tight in this tough juncture? The answer is HOPE.
I am facing mixed feelings. I am moving forward with one thing in mind: Something big is going to happen. With this hope, I am tackling my current journey. I can connect with every word of your post.
Thanks for sharing this awesome post.
Thanks for sharing your testimony with us. Rest assured that the difficult and critical phase that you are going through will come to an end sooner than you expect. I love the sound of hope and confidence that you have articulated in your comment. Your attitude is positive and upbeat and these are critical elements to the outcome.
Those of us who rely on hope, can be assured of the manifestation of that which our heart is desiring. Mix some patience with it because I have proven that good things comes to those who wait. Tests, trials and afflictions have a way of pushing us leaps and bounds into bountiful and rich blessings. Endure like a good soldier and keep the faith – you will come through this better than pure gold.
Hope you do have a great weekend! Smile 🙂