Whatever we do on a daily basis, one key goal I believe you and I are certain to work towards is to focus on staying in control and keeping the right perspective on things.
Whether it’s in our personal or professional lives, we make the plans ahead, and we have a pretty good idea of how we foresee the day ahead of us would go.
Most days, everything go according to plan, right? But then there are those unpredictable occasions where the whole world around you just seems to be falling apart and you are losing control of yourself.
You are losing the ground beneath you, it’s a free fall. Nothing around you to hold on to and everything is breaking down around you.
Not only that, you are lacking perspective. Already at a chaotic stage by then, you realize hey, something went terribly wrong.
Fear and anxiety tries to trick you into letting them take over and you are no more in a position to think rationally. You get angry and say all of the wrong things and you wonder where exactly did things begin to go out of order.
Why did you not see the red flags before? Were there warning signs that you missed? Were you ignoring the feelings of being unsure or insecure in your relationship?
The tendency then with all of that is for you to feel like a failure.
Life just crept in. It has disrupted your comfort zone. You are no longer flowing.
Dr. Judith Rich in an article for the Huffington Post (2012) had this to say, “Just when you thought your life was going along fine – BAM! Life comes along and says, “Not so fast, my pretty! Listen up! You have some homework to do.” ”
Inferences can also be drawn from Nancy Levin’s story of how life can fall apart with you in the middle of it. In her book Jump (2014) she describes finally leaving her marriage that had become dissatisfying. She says, “It’s only through facing the truth that you will be able to fulfill your potential and live the life you were meant to live. It’s only by jumping that you’ll be able to fly.”
The Start of Something Bigger
Oh no, not again! Hello! Were you trying to force the outcome of something that wasn’t working?
You see, I have been through this before. It is how life gets your attention! It’s her wake up call!
Previously, when things like that happened, I would beat up on myself. I would immediately go into a shell and stay in that cocoon stage for days until I felt it was safe to venture outside of my world into life’s open space again.
Outside my shell, I am like a brave soldier. But once I am inside of myself, I internalized everything. I used to think that I was the one to be blamed and that it was my fault that things went wrong.
In my relationships – with my husband, with my children and family members and even at my workplace.
It took me an awfully long to understand that I needed to release the situation and give myself permission to not be ‘Miss perfect’ and to understand that everyone of us lose control and perspective at some point in time in our lives.
Now, what I am faced with, my thinking was that I had been fully healed and I would be calm and keep my composure throughout, no matter how bad it got. I never anticipated my reaction to the situation. The entire thing took me off guard.
I found myself in a weakened position, losing control of what I normally would have been my best at. After all, I have given what I consider to be my best advice to others on things like this in the past.
They survived the storm!
But needless to say, the conflicting matter left me feeling insecure and vulnerable and then I began to hear my own voice speaking. It got louder and louder.
There I was feeling pressed, troubled, crushed in my spirit, perplexed and in despair and even brokenhearted. It was as though my life had just fallen apart.
Could I still trust the Apostle Paul’s writing that says, “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; v9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down; but not destroyed.” ~ 2 Corinthians 4:8-9
Honestly? Not crushed, not in despair, not abandoned, and not destroyed?
In the middle of my meltdown, I was not thinking rationally and did not think the word had any meaning to what I was experiencing.
I wanted to escape into my ‘own world’ again and be safe in my little sanctuary. It is there that I’ve had my greatest comfort in life – defending my innocence and sheltering my heart.
The somehow invisible wall never seems to escape the eyes of the onlooker or the perpetrator and, they know not to attempt to cross over into my space.
So they look on from a distance wondering I guess what my next move would be……
The Twist of Faith That Saved Me
“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:11 NIV
On that day, I got up from my knees after praying and I sat on the edge of the bed. This time the voice I heard was not the voice of reasoning and fear but the voice of wisdom.
I’ve had time to think the situation through again. But first, I had to let the tears fall after which I dried them. My shoulders were no longer slumped, but straight. Faith, boldness, confidence and hope stirred in me and my strength was sufficient that I could face life again.
What do you do?
9 STRATEGIES FOR WHEN YOUR LIFE IS FALLING APART
Today, if you too feel like your life is falling apart and you are losing control, here are 9 strategies that I have found to be very effective and that I am certain will help you not to lose your sanity:
1.) Quickly let go of complaining – what value can anyone of us add to our life by complaining? As long as you are on this earth life will throw a hoola-hoop around us. It will always bring to us challenges, tests and trials that we can either choose to be negative and complain about or remain positive, face life and work our way through it.
Complaining does not make the process of recovery any smoother. Rather, it delays it and can even make an already bad situation worse off.
2.) Give yourself time out – stop whatever you are doing to re-group – you need to take some time to step back and withdraw from the situation. This step raises the STOP sign from having anything else come your way and put the brakes on things until you get your thoughts and your creative power back to a place of making wise and informative decisions and choices.
3.) Quickly take responsibility for only that which you have direct control over – Realize that life falls apart because something went off track or out of alignment. Of course all the chaos and stress that comes with falling apart puts a shock on the system and the first natural human response is to become emotional.
But resistance comes when we fail to take responsibility for the things that we had direct control over, that is, our attitude, reaction, emotions and behavior. It is not so much what happened but the response to it.
“It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart.” ~ Suzanne Collins
4.) Give yourself time to make correction – breathe at a steady pace and begin to think about what core values and belief systems were affected, whether betrayed or forgotten. Because, let’s face it, we sometimes forget things that we ourselves have already established.
It is also not about who did what, but how, what, when and where? Ask yourself, where was the line crossed? What behavior/s needs to change in order to ensure that there is not a repeat of what went wrong?
What improvements can be made going forward? When is a good time to re-evaluate to see if the goals that were established are being met?
5.) Never make decisions when you are in an emotional state of mind – weigh your option before taking action. It is important that you spend as much time sorting through the problem/s and focusing on the solutions.
6) Forgive yourself and others without diminishing who you are – quickly resort to forgiveness. First, you forgive yourself for getting off track and then you forgive the other person/s involved without holding on to grudges. Remember none of us are perfect; we all have imperfections and weaknesses.
7.) Pray and surrender the situation to God, then move forward – nothing happens in the first instance unless He allows it. He is in total control of everything. We go THROUGH tests and trials. They were not meant for us to stay in them forever. And this too shall pass! 🙂
8.) Process and organize into your trusting system once again – you are now at the clean up stage where you not only clean yourself up but the other person/s involved. If this is the case where the emotional or physical impact was on someone else, then be man or woman enough to step up and say, “I’m sorry.”
9.) Throw yourself a party after your breakthrough – Why should you throw yourself a party? The fact that you had the courage to face your falling apart and meltdown moment has proven that you are a true champion! You held on to faith and through your willing spirit, you proved to the world that only those who endure their cross will wear the crown of life!
“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.” ~ Eckhart Tolle (1999)
Your Turn, Let’s Talk It Over
Have you ever been in a situation where you felt you were losing control and lacking perspective? What sort of emotions came out? How do you deal with your life falling apart as a result of what someone else did? Please share your thoughts with us.
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featured image by: Jenny Kaczorowski