Beyond The ‘I Do" by Pastor Ava Baird

Being married for the past 30 years, I found out that the question God asked in Amos 3:3 is so interesting and important…”Can two walk together except they agree?” When we find ourselves in a relationship; be it friendship, marital, business or even courtship, the adhesive in these relationships is agreement. I also found out that there are periods of times when the adhesive becomes so thin that you would sometimes wonder if the relationship would fall apart.

With married couples, when the “I do” is said and the wedding gown and the tuxedo are removed, then the real life begins. For some, the marriage after brings a rude awakening; “Honey I never knew you snored, much less that loud.” “Oh, do I?” “I’m sorry sweetheart, but I never knew you burped in your sleep!” The thing is, it is quite OK when we can laugh out loud about such comments, but when we become upset either by the comment which was made or the deed done by the other person, it’s another story.

Some storms are not prejudiced and sure enough all relationships will periodically face them, but the beauty about relationship is that the storms are faced together. This is where the question of compatibility comes up. Being incompatible will make agreement and compromise very difficult in any relationship. For two people to be in agreement with each other, and compromise whenever necessary, they must believe in each other. Even though in the relationship they are two different people, from two different backgrounds, the relationship will be able to weather the storms as the two agree. That is why seeking God’s guidance before you agree to say ‘I do” is ultimately important.

Truth brings trust! Trust is the springboard for sincere love. It is not a good feeling to be married to the love of your life when suddenly the phone rings and the person on the other line is claiming to be your spouse’s ex, has a long troubling story to tell about the kids who happen to be your spouse’s and you were never told about this before. A breach of trust in any relationship is like a dagger piercing the depth of your soul. It interrupts the proper functioning of the mind and actions of the body, thus recreating negative words like a sword.

Saying I’m sorry is very important, but it is not enough to say I’m sorry without a change of actions. Love cherishes, and would not presumptuously hurt another. Taking time to study your spouse will make a huge difference in any relationship. Of course it will take a lifetime to completely know another person, as people change as they grow. Pay attention to each other needs. For example knowing your wife’s favorite color, food, music or even knowing when she needs you without her having to say so, is important. Also knowing your husband’s favorite game, even though you do not like basketball or football, you can sit and watch a game with him, cheering along with him while watching the game, even though you do not understand a thing about what is going on. This makes a difference in his life and that of the marriage. I also found out that second to the number one thing (sex) that a man needs, he is in need of total respect. As the wife you must show him that he is the king, priest and prophet of the household.

Respect for each other is the key to the heart. You can say “I love you” a million times per day, but without respect, the I love you would be ineffective. A lack of respect builds up a wall between the relationship, making communication and even sex a difficult ordeal. Women on the other hand view sex differently. While men need sex, women need intimacy, which is a process where the man is there for her body, soul and spirit. During the morning, daytime until the evening time when both of you get into bed, a woman needs to know, hear and feel his sincere love and affection. This builds a sense of security in the most sacred place of her heart. With such security, a husband would not have to ask or even beg for sex. His wife would fill the air with romance as she waits for him to light up the doorway with his presence as he comes from a hard day’s work. The bath would be ready, the meals would be fixed and the bedroom lights would be turned down low, creating the ambiance for a satisfactory romance.

Beyond the “I do” I am reminded of the scripture in Psalm 42:7, “Deep calleth unto deep at the noise of the waterspouts…” This scripture speaks of the Spirit of God calling unto the spirit of man and vice versa. As a husband and wife becomes intimate in the act of sex, it is like one calling and the other answers, that is, spirit to spirit.

Beyond the “I do” there is an ever increasing knowledge of each partner. Sincere love, trust, respect, affirmation and truth are important ingredients which will definitely go a long way for years to come and for a lifetime. Build your relationship! The husband/wife you are married to is worth caring for a lasting success.