As parents, too often we have the tendency to blame ourselves or we carry that feeling of guilt that if we had only done this or that, our children would have turned out to be better adults in society. The burden of guilt is not any easier for parents who have experienced separation or divorce with young children growing up in the home.
Many perhaps never even gave thought to the fact that no one is perfect and that while going through life raising children, that the idea of being a perfect parent don’t exist and that many mistakes will be made along.
For me, once my divorce took place, I didn’t think that I could make it raising three young daughters on my own. There was guilt, anger and frustration that I often vented towards them. I blamed myself for everything, including their negative behavior and even felt like a failure when my two young daughters became pregnant at the same time, one while still in her early teens.
While I may have overcome that guilt and shame and have forgiven myself for mistakes I made along the way, I have been blessed and inspired even more today by this guest post from David Jones as he helps us through this post to understand that ‘perfect parents don’t exist.’ He has also highlighted some common parenting mistakes as he shows us the importance of forgiving ourselves for such mistakes.
So, here’s over to David. 🙂
PERFECT PARENTS DON’T EXIST: FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR THESE PARENTING MISTAKES
Guilt and parenthood seem to go hand in hand. It is not rare for a parent to lose control and scream at the children. The guilt increases for a parent who just got divorce. Such parent doesn’t only feel like failing at parenting but the kids at times also say that they aren’t good parent. Here are the parenting mistakes that you might have made but you should also forgive yourself for them.
Losing It and Yelling At Your Kids Out Of Anger
Every parent, at one point or another, feels negative toward the children. It is not rare because children can behave very differently from how they are supposed to. In fact, children are really good at pushing the buttons of their parents and make them lose their mind in an instance. This is because just like parents know each and every thing about their children, the kids are aware of their parent’s weak points too.
They can just say a word or make a face that would make you scream on them or tell them that they are grounded. If you have been losing it and yelling at your kids out of anger or frustration, you should forgive yourself for it. Remember, you didn’t do anything abnormal being a parent.
Blaming Yourself for Your Child’s Behavior
People usually say that whatever a child does it reflects what his parent has taught him. It is not true. Children have a very different nature from adults and unlike mature people kids can do anything that their parents would never tell them to do. If your child commits a crime or become abusive at times, you shouldn’t blame yourself for his behavior. You should instead work with him to figure out his issues and try to fix what is wrong. If you will show care and attention, you child will eventually start behaving nicely.
Doing Too Much For Your Child
This problem is attached to mostly mothers. It is in the nature of a mother to do everything in her power to protect her child, keep him happy, healthy and provide with every necessity. While following her nature, a mother at times crosses all the lines. She supports her children in things she shouldn’t. This is where a child can get spoiled and start doing things he shouldn’t be doing or begin to behave rudely or inappropriately. If you have been in a similar situation, it is not too late.
You should become rational and limit your efforts for your child. Stop supporting your child in wrong things and tell him that you are doing what is right for both of you. This won’t only eliminate the feeling of guilt but also save your child/children from moving towards a destructive future.
Feeling like You Never Have Enough to Give
While there are people who don’t really care about their children and the fact kids need time from their parents. However, there are many parents who realize the need of being with their children. Some of these children make efforts and successfully spend adequate amount of time with the kids. However, there are some parents who are bound to carry out their day-to-day responsibilities that keep them away from their children. It can be your job or any other responsibility that is not allowing you to give enough time to your children.
However, feeling guilty about it won’t help you a bit. You should instead try to give as much time to your children as you can and in this time tell them that you want to be with them as you care for them. Just be sure that whatever time you spend with your children is quality time so that they don’t feel neglected at any point of time.
Being a parent is a huge responsibility. No parent is a perfect parent. Everyone has flaws and there are huge chances that they will be blamed for their flaws by their children. What is important is that the flaws are fixed in time and made efforts to become caring parents. The feel of guilt is natural at times but it shouldn’t take away your hope. You should instead make efforts to make your relationship with your kids better as it would automatically take away all the guilt.
About David Jones
David Jones is a web content writer, and guest blogger, who offers content writing services to divorce and family law niches. He also provide guest blog writing services for Niches such as – divorce and family law; divorce law and child custody. Website and social presence are as follows: http://www.divorceyes.com; Facebook; Google+ here or contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org
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